vent posts

sept. 13, 2024

i feel very replaceable.

i don't know what to do.

what i wear, what i say, what i do, what i like, hell, even what i eat and drink, are all exactly the same as the new girl.

i'm scared that if we finish our games too soon, then they won't want me anymore and will kick me out.

i'm not interesting or unique, and i'm the worse of the two of us.

they'd probably be better off without me.

anything cool or funny that i've ever done or said keeps being attributed to ofther people in the group.

if they can’t even remember anything about me, anything i've ever said, why would they want me around?

they don't need me, they don't want me, i think i'm just here because i was here earlier.

i think the only reason they haven't got rid of me yet is out of pity.

there's no way they really like me.

there's no way they really want me here.

they'll replace me soon.

they've already started.

sept. 11, 2024

it's been proven to me once again that my input doesn't matter and i ruin the vibe or every conversation i'm in.

i'm so tired.

aug. 24, 2024

this just in: new girl posts same memes as me, gets replies when i'm ignored.

they really do want to replace me.

maybe i should just die.

aug. 22, 2024

i hate this.

everything is just "your joke but better" and then i'm just here like "well, guess i might as well kill myself."

everything i say either falls flat, is ignored, or gets taken by someone else and twisted into something better, because i'm fucking pathetic.

i'm pathetic, i'm boring, i'm annoying, i make everything worse.

why the fuck am i still here?

aug. 20, 2024

i think my friends are trying to replace me.

there's a girl thats joined our group and she's very cool, but it's like she likes all the things i do, and can do everything i can do but better. things i used to talk about with them, they now talk to her about instead and i'm ignored. things i was associated with, she's now associated with.

i feel like i'm losing my personality. did i even have one to begin with?

and no one will respond to me. i didn't expect much, just quick acknowledgement that they'd read the message at all.

i expect almost nothing and i'm still disappointed.

i think they'd all be happier without me.

jun. 30, 2024

today was almost really good. i had fun at dnd with friends, but then my parents started arguing when i got home. it's been a rough couple of weeks anyway. i broke down at my friends birthday party on saturday, which made me relapse into self harm, then i got ignored in the group chat, and now my mom has decided to paint the living room, and it's just causing so much tension, and of course it's culminated into this angry yelling and i can't help but wonder if i'm somehow making it worse even though i've tried to help with things and kept out of the way when i'm not needed.

i don't know. everything is just a lot.

feb. 22, 2024

it really hurts when you mention something you like to someone and they immediately start talking about how much they fucking hate it.

like. ok. you don't have to like it. but can you at least not make me feel like shit for liking it?

i hate trying to socialise

edit: 22:49

oh. and it turns out theyre talking about a game with a mutual friend in another channel of the same chat.

a game that the 3 of us usually play together

but they just. @'d each other and are talking without me.

i know that doesn't really mean anything, but it does kinda feel like a hit anyway.

feb. 18, 2024

i feel wrong having to grow up.

i graduate from university on the 29th. i almost wouldn't have, because no one told me about it. the school didn't email me about it, and i only found out the date because a friend told me. it turns out the school had made a mistake and didn't invite me to graduation at all, so i had to phone them to get an invite. is this what being an adult is? being forgotten for important things? or is that just a problem with me?

it's weird. i don't want this responsibility. i haven't been able to find a job at all either. almost everything i've seen has been in childcare, which i'm not qualified for, or they're jobs too far away that i can't get to because i can't drive. i can't afford driving lessons or a car without a job, but i can't get to a job without a car.

i just want to be able to exist without worrying about all of this.

why can't i just live?

jan. 31, 2024

this first vent is going to be sort of silly. light hearted, i guess.

my mom is now friends with me on pocket camp, and i feel a bit weird about it, because now i cannot express myself how i want to. it's definitely a silly thing, so this isn't really a true vent, but i guess it is okay to start off gently in these things. it does feel a little bit like i've lost somewhere safe to exist, but it's not like my mom is a bad person. she's very nice. i just sometimes want to have something just for me. but oh well, life goes on.

this isn't a serious vent, just a mild odd feeling.

maybe this is too silly and childish to post, but oh well.